An Emotional Paradox

In negotiations, the issues that make us emotional are rarely random. They're inflection points.

When you feel your emotions intensify during a discussion, that's data. It's your internal alarm recognizing that something fundamental is being tested -- things like the fundamental nature of the relationship you're building, the balance of value creation you're striving for, or whether the positions on the table contradict what you both want to acheive.

The paradox is that the very moment your emotions surge is precisely when you need to keep them under control.

Inflection points demand clear thinking. These are the moments when

- You're defining whether you will emerge with a partnership or just a customer/vendor relationship
- Trust mechanisms get built (or don't)
- Alignment incentives reveal themselves
- You're modeling how you'll adapt when execution realities diverge from the plan

Your emotional response isn't wrong; it's your internal alarm system recognizing something critical is happening. But acting on that emotion is when you make mistakes that cost you your value proposition -- defaulting to rigidity over flexibility, signaling distrust that becomes self-fulfilling, or missing the opportunity to create shared value.

So what do you do instead?

When you feel the heat rising, pause. That emotional trigger is a signal to slow down, not speed up.

- Take a break
- Go back to the strategic alignment you established early on in your discussions
- Test whether this point contradicts or supports what you both said you wanted
- Think about whether this helps you deliver on your vision, or are you letting fear override your business judgment?

The best negotiators aren't emotionless. They just understand that feeling strongly about something means they need to think more carefully about it, not less, and that usually means taking a breath, slowing down, and reconnecting to why both parties came to the table in the first place.